As if we never said goodbye
by blueberriesandcream
Summary: An unexpected call delivers the worst news Rachel could possibly imagine: how can she live now that her one true love is gone? How can she ever be happy again? Maybe she could, with the help of a certain someone... My first story, be nice :)


**Author's note:**

First of all, this is my first fic and I'm not a native speaker, so if there are mistakes or if the text doesn't flow smoothly you'll have to forgive me, and possibly review to let me know how I could improve :)

That being said, this will NOT be a happy story, at least in the beginning. There will be a lot of angst, since it's about Rachel's life after Finn's death, but there will be a happy ending… just not the one most Finchel shippers had in mind. Now to the hardest part. Although I've never been a fan of Finchel or Finn, I respected and admired Cory for his talent in both acting and singing – and I still do: I didn't like the character he played, but I was shocked and cried my eyes out when I found out about his death, and the tribute episode was devastating. Which leads me to the reason I wrote this story: I hate to do it, but rationally speaking, there can't be a happy ending for Finchel, but I still want Rachel to be happy, and I don't want her to be happy with some random new character, but with someone who knows and appreciates her – a certain Jesse St. James.

I know you're tired of reading this and you just want to get to the story, so here it is.

**Chapter one: Falling apart**

She was getting ready.

As soon as the realization of the words she had chosen hit her, she couldn't help but wonder what the hell she was thinking. She _was _ready. After all, she was Rachel Barbra Berry, destined to be a star since the very beginning. She didn't need to get ready, she was born ready.

Rachel sighed heavily, trying to shake off any trace of anxiety left, and looked at herself in the mirror one last time before starting to warm up her voice, and her thoughts inevitably went to her only source of inspiration in these kind of moments: Finn Hudson.

Finn had been her very first love, the only boy who had ever been able to make her happy, make her feel accepted, make her feel like she could be herself; but at the same time, Finn had been the only boy whom she had cared about enough to cry over, the boy she had thought about giving everything up for, and the guy who had loved her so much that had decided to let her go.

She had moved to New York, alone, and although she turned out to have both Kurt and Santana by her side in this tortuous path, it was quite different from the life she had planned to have once in the Big Apple. Yet her dream had come true, and it had changed her, changed her to the point that she had decided to break things with Finn.

God, at the moment it had seemed such a good choice! Well, more like her only option, as a matter of fact. In reality, her decision had backfired on her, and now she was alone once more. Despite her belief that in order to climb the ladder of success and reach the top one should forget about love and only focus on their ultimate goal – that being fame – she was more mature now, and for the first time in her life, she wanted to give love a shot.

Correction, she wanted to give Finn a shot. She owed him and herself that much, for all they had shared and been though.

She summoned a detailed picture of him in her mind and cleared her throat, but the annoying ring of her cell phone distracted her and, despite knowing very well that she didn't have the time to answer, she reached for her purse and started rummaging to find the damn device; when she looked at the screen, the image of her former professor, Will Schuester, stared back at her smiling. Figuring her favorite teacher simply wanted to wish her luck on her audition, she slid her finger to return the call.

"Hi Mr. Schue! Look, I know you just want to be nice and give me your famous pep talk before I go out there and sing, there's really no need to, you know. I'm a big girl now, and besides, I've always known that I was a star, so my inevitable rise to success is just around the corner, I'm sure of it."

Only silence followed, instilling a sense of alarm in her that incredibly managed to silence her.

"Mr. Schuester?"

"Rachel, I have bad news."

Those four words, combined with her name, paralyzed her with fear. That was proof that Will was not calling for a pleasant conversation between former teacher and student: something terrible had happened, something there was no coming back from, something that would totally, radically change her life.

She could feel it, and she was certain that for once, she wasn't being overdramatic.

"Wh-what happened?", she managed to ask, stumbling in her own words, her mind processing insignificant details hoping to freeze time.

"Finn is… Finn passed away."

The room started spinning around Rachel, but she quickly regained her composure. Surely, it was all a big mistake or a really bad joke to throw her off her game just before her audition.

"What are you talking about, Mr. Schuester? Finn is only 18, it just can't be!", she protested letting out an unconvinced chuckle.

"Rachel, I know it's hard to believe, and I hate to be the one to tell you. Why don't you book a place on the next plane to Lima, so you can be around your family and friends and-"

The voice of Will slowly faded, leaving only silence. A huge, empty silence.

It wasn't a joke. It wasn't a mistake. Her former teacher's tone was serious, and he would never try to jeopardize a chance to success for any of his students.

The room started spinning around her even quicker now, and her knees gave out.

"Next up, Rachel Berry!"

Rachel heard that. She would have recognized it everywhere. It was her battle cry. Her signal to put on her show face and give everything she had. But this time, she didn't have anything. Not anymore.

It didn't make any sense: she couldn't imagine a world without Finn. He was her soul mate, her love, her life… how could she live now that he was gone? Rachel could vividly remember the first time she had seen his face, on her first day as a sophomore, while walking through the corridors of McKinley High. She could remember it as if it was yesterday. He couldn't be gone. He couldn't be dead.

It was all too much, way too much for her to handle.

As tears began streaming down her cheeks, the realization that she would never caress Finn's face or brush his lips with a kiss hit her, and she blacked out.


End file.
